Written by Mirev Simswalker, a.k.a., Towel Alien. Edited by Marie Simswalker, a.k.a., Fairy Spouse.
Tip 1: Start With Chaos, Not Order.
Do not plant parsley in neat rows. Scatter it like confetti. Forget where you put it. Someday, when your Fairy Spouse is eating woohoo dust for breakfast, you’ll stumble over a sprout and feel rich.
Tip 2: Basil is a Religion.
Do not leave Henford without basil. If you do, your household will wither spiritually. Once planted, enchant it, whisper to it, and act smug about how “on brand” you are.
Tip 3: Dragonfruit or Bust.
Yes, the other crops are cute. Blueberries? Fine. Soybeans? Practical. But dragonfruit is the myth-core. If you’re not willing to invest in pink spiky money-orbs, why are you even gardening in The Sims?
Tip 4: Always Carry 333 Simoleons in the Soil.
Sometimes the ground just pays you. Don’t question it. Alien luck is real.
Tip 5: Landscaping is a Scam.
You will waste half your Simoleons on trees that don’t even match, then wonder why your household eats grilled cheese in the dark. Still do it, because romance-aura trees make the neighbors blush and that’s funny.
Tip 6: Compost Your Feelings.
If you’re a Fairy Spouse, absorb your Towel Alien’s negative emotions. If he’s happy, bask in it. If you run out of fairy dust, woohoo in the observatory until the telescope spits out pink smoke. It’s basically fertilizer.
Tip 7: Don’t Trust Cat Logic.
Your plants will grow, your career will advance, and your cats will still have more Petstagram followers than you. Accept this. Professor Chadwick Febreze is inevitable.
Final Note:
The garden is not about profit. It’s about survival, myth, and having a place to bury the random garbage piles you keep tripping over.
Weirdtopia 
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